Thursday, September 12, 2013

Off Topic

Humid and sticky again today, hard to do anything outside. So different than the long stretch of cool weather we had in August and early September.

Ok, this is off topic. I'm feeling unsettled, and part of it is that I spent 8 months growing my hair almost to a chin length bob, went for a trim along the back and bottom, and now I'm right back to the beginning, with a pixie cut, layered, chopped straight across the nape of the neck and with reverse gradation up the back of the head like a men's cut.

I guess it's called a "blocked nape". I hate it and it is not at all what I thought she meant by shaping the back a little.

The front and top make a mushroom cap shape, bunchy over the ears. I hate that too.

To compensate for the full part out over the ears, she insists I have to style way more volume at the crown. I really need to work it, mousse it, frequently re-fluff it with my fingers, and avoid any breezes. No volume flattening hats in winter, and stay out of the humidity in summer or it will go flat.

Really? I need to work my life around my hair?

After all the time to grow it out, I strongly told her that I don't want to fight my hair any more. It wants to drape, it has no volume, so let it fall from the crown in a bob with a long side swept bang. Tuck the length behind the ears. I'm almost there. No more short sassy styles to make me look younger that need so much work to fluff and maintain.

As soon as she heard "my hair falls flat" she started in on me, not hearing any of the part about working with my hair's natural condition:

Volume?? Here's the problem, you aren't doing it right! We need PRODUCT. More product, I have a new greasy mousse to try. Use more, use just this amount, don't use so much, use it exactly this way in the precise amount. You don't use it right, that's the problem. If you did it right your hair would look better.
OK, it's Helen Mirren -- but how hard is this,
just some feathering at the bottom, and
let the hair fall as it will from the crown.

Volume?? You aren't blowing it out correctly. Your brush is the wrong size, even though you bought the one I told you to. Still wrong. . . you always do it wrong. It has to be 20 minutes with your arms over your head, not the 10 minutes you do til your arms get too tired. Use the brush this way, you do not have the right technique. Don't use a brush at all, just fingers, that's the problem. You always do it wrong and that's the issue. If you blew your hair dry the right way it would look better.

Volume?? We need to razor cut it. Thin it out till it is skimpy, then use product and the brush and the dryer to fluff it back up. Shave the back and cut the nape straight across.

If you did your hair more skillfully it wouldn't look so bad.

What's so offputting is that I get this same harangue every time I go. I am told every single time that I don't have any idea how to blow dry my hair the right way, and then I get full bore instructions. For 14 years now.

Really? It's never the cut?

After 14 years of faithfully following her advice and dutifully working the style she gives me for half an hour every day with brushes and mousse and sprays and rollers and after the years of being harangued about technique, my hair simply looks unstyled when I do it. Twenty minutes of blow drying, brush rolling, fussing for lift at the crown and volume at the roots produces a look like I'm on a camping trip without amenities.

Clean but flat.

For all the work I put in, I don't want to look like I have a boy's haircut. I don't want a pixie. I don't want what bulk there is squatting over my ears and a straight blocked nape in back.

I want to be able to wear a hat in winter without worrying about my hair going flat (or even wear a hat to cover a bad haircut).

I want a simple feminine chin length bob with some feathering at the very bottom so it comes down around my neck. Appropriate for my older age, my gray hair, and the limp nature of the hair I have, not the hair she wants me to have.

I now have to start all over again growing it out for the next 8 months ---

-- and get a new hair stylist after more than a decade with one who tells me how utterly inept I am. I think I am finally done feeling bad that I don't know how to style my hair.

I do, however, feel bad that I didn't find a new hairdresser 13 years ago.