Sunday, September 1, 2013

Thunder and Frustration

Thunderstorms rolled through last night and we got a half inch of rain.

Today it is 80 degrees, with threatening skies and rumbling thunder continuing, driving me inside instead of outside on my hands and knees moving rocks.

That's a good thing. I need a break. I am incredibly sore, so frustrated, and I was starting to get angry about how hard this project is. I worked for a while this morning before the thunder cranked up at noontime.

There is some progress, but at such a cost in hurt muscles, chapped knees even though I use kneepads, and blistered hands inside my gloves. And I am losing my mind over this.

The area to the right of the upright stone doesn't look too bad now that I fixed it per yesterday's analysis. But to the left in the middle of the wall it all looks like rubble.

I stack, wobble and rock each piece. With the protrusions on each surface, the rocks only touch points on top of each other at one or two spots, and I can't get a section to stand without knocking it all over with the placement of the next rock.

I know backfill will stabilize it from front to back, but I can't get to that point while I am still constantly tearing down what I just tried to stack.

The stone selection is poor. All the reasonably straight edged larger stones have been used and all that is left are a few hard to move huge irregular stones, and chinky small ones.

There is a heart shaped stone I want to incorporate, but with the lack of any suitable stones to continue the upper courses, this may be folly. It's such an amateur construction, who am I kidding with heart accents?

I think I need to fix the center section, and I need to start with the lower layers where two rocks tip downward.

Ummm, now that I look at these photos in detail, maybe move the heart to this dipped area? It will sit an inch or two lower, and it might fit that niche. You think?

I am hoping a short break will restore me. It's been six straight days of back breaking work to clear the strip and start laying the rocks. Jim is a huge help, but he is in such pain that it worries me.

And it bothers me how angry I am. I don't know how to do this and it is very difficult labor. I am tearing out every section I try to build, handling and moving every rock about twenty times before discarding it in frustration. Over and over.

I am angry that the stoneyard man made it sound like a project we could do. I am angry that we accepted his blithe advice so easily.

We will finish it somehow, and it will be ok. Rustic, not perfect, and that will do. But it will not look the way I envisioned and I am thoroughly discouraged and hurting.

The thunder has stopped now.

Not my frustration, though.